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EJ's Christmas List

So I know I haven't posted anything in a really long time. Jen and I have been kind of busy with the new baby.

But he (the baby) asked me to post his Christmas list in case Santa reads my blog. So here it is:

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth. But those will probably come in next week, so you'll have to get me something else. Here's a list of all the things I'd really like to get my hands on:

A bottle of Poland Spring water
Daddy's glasses
The remote control
Any cell phone
Spaghetti
A fistful of mommy's hair
Shiny, dangly earrings
The dog

Thanks Santa,
- EJ

It's a Boy!!!

Emmett Joseph Smyth

8 lbs. 4 oz.

May 2, 2007

Take thy hair and scram!

My faith in America and all things holy has finally been restored. Okay, a few million pranksters (and some tone-deaf grandmothers) had their laugh, but American Idol is finally a singing competition again!

He says, she says... Part II

Another Example:

Man: Odd... it looks like she doesn't have any of her kind of soap in the shower. Is she out of her kind? "Honey, are you out of your soap?"
Woman: "Yes, I was using yours."
Man: "But are you out of your kind?"
Woman: "I'm sorry I was using your soap."
Man: "But do you have any more of your kind in the house?"
Woman: "Okay, I won't use it again, Jesus, I get the point!!"
Man: "...um...I don't care if you use mine, I just thought if you had more in the house I'd put it in the shower for you."
Woman: "Oh. Well why didn't you just say so?"

He says, she says...

Dogs can communicate. I once read that dogs bark under many circumstances, but essentially a dog’s bark will signify only one of two things -- either Come here or Go away. When you compare barking to the intricacies of human language, it is clear that the two species operate in two vastly different planes of communication.

Just so, it can be said that men and women communicate, but it is clear that we do not operate on the same plane of communication. It has a lot to do with how we socialize as kids. Girls play relationship games from a very young age [Now you're friends with her, and I'll be the hostess and you just came over to the house to talk about your husband, and I'm serving tea, but you're allergic to chocolate, so if I offer you a cookie you have to say no, and pretend that I have a fluffy white cat who's sitting in the window and...], while boys' games are much more simple [I shot first, you're dead, I win.].

When a man asks a question, he's looking to get the shortest most concise string of words that gives a clear, direct answer to the exact question as he phrased it... anything else appended to or in place of that direct answer is not useful to him… and would quite likely just confuse him. And when you ask him a question, he will answer the explicit question as concisely as he can.

Women, on the other hand, have adapted such highly advanced modes and senses of communication that they can actually communicate with each other in frequencies and dimensions that are utterly imperceptible to men. When they verbally ask a question, they could be insinuating a whole array of questions, or subtly reminding you of a conversation that you had last week, or asking an entirely different question altogether. When a woman is asked a question, she will try to answer all of the underlying questions, statements, queries and riddles that she believes are implicit to the question asked.

Let me show you what I mean:

Man to man:

Man: hmmm…is that a new shirt Dave has on? “Dave, is that a new shirt?”

Dave: Good question -- Is this a new shirt? Oh yeah, I just got it. “Yup.”

Man: it looks like Brooks Brothers. “Brooks Brothers?”

Dave: Good question – did I get it at Brooks Brothers? Oh yeah, I did. “Yeah.”

Man to woman:

Man: hmmm… is that a new shirt she has on? “Honey, is that a new shirt?”

Woman: I knew he was going to comment on my spending habits again. Bastard. Why is it that he feels like he can buy video games every month and I have to check with him every time I want to go into Express. He can just wear the same blue shirts and gray pants week after week and nobody notices, but not so for a women in the business world. People notice, my friend, and people comment. Besides, it was on the sale rack for like 75% off, and I haven’t actually bought anything in like a month. The blue sweater was full price, but I’ve had a really hard week, and I deserve a nice sweater for crying out loud. Besides, If I’m going to try for that promotion, I need to look the part. They always say to dress for the job you want, not the job you have. “Jesus, don’t you want me to succeed at my job?!! Ugh!!!”

Maybe that’s why dogs are a man’s best friend. Because they make us feel smart.

W'd IQ

I took an IQ test this morning... something I do periodically.

This afternoon, I walked by the plasma screen in our hallway that continuously broadcasts CNN throughout the work day. Bush was giving a speech... something he does periodically.

I only listened for a minute or two, but when I got back to my desk, I was curious. So I conducted a little experiment.

I took the IQ test again.

My score was lower.